There's only one of me

Druggie: Hey, do you guys like raves? Do you guys wanna score some e?
Solitary Guy: Uh... no thanks.

overheard: on portage

Because not everybody likes Dick.

Co-worker #1: Hey, check out this guy's name: Rich Husband
Co-worker #2: Haha! Why wouldn't he go by Richard?
Co-worker #3: Why wouldn't he go by Dick?

-overheard in a downtown office

You forgot the "nice shoes" part

Cougar: Hi
Twentysomething Guy: Hi
Cougar: Wanna f***?
Twentysomething Guy: (pretends not to hear)
Cougar: ...just kidding.

overheard: in an alley near broadway

Hiccoughs, tourette's or an escaping demon?

I was reading a book riding the bus, sitting near the back. Behind me was a normal looking woman of about 40, and a normal looking young woman of about 19. A normal looking man of about 30 was sitting to my right and there were various other people scattered throughout the bus.

Suddenly, from behind me I heard a noise.

It sounded like someone with reverse hiccoughs yelling "BHEP!" while gasping. I turned around and the 40s woman was smiling. The young woman looked a little weirded out.

"BHEP!!!" yelled the 40s woman.

I turned back to my book.

overheard: on the #29

Now repeat this experiment with a glowing element on your stove

Man: (looking at the freshly tarred road) Hey, look the road's steaming.
(leans down and holds his hand over the road) And it feels warm!
(touches the road) OW! IT'S HOT!

witnessed: on broadway

Weekend Wee-One Weirdos

Well it's the weekend, and you know what that means!

It's a lot whiter than the brown one

Little Boy: (upon seeing the white buffalo at the zoo) It's not THAT white.

overheard: at the assiniboine park zoo

Sorry, sorry

Sometimes, we lag. Sometimes, we experience a lull. We apologize to our loyal readers when this happens. We really have no excuse.

However.

If you want to see more updates, more quotes and more stories, if you want commentaries upon weirdos from throughout the city instead of only Osborne and West Broadway, if you want to feel the thrills that come with publication, then submit your own stories, quotes and description of weirdos in your neighborhood.

Please tell us approxomately where in the city this weirdo is from, and let us know if you want to be credited, and if so, by what name. We won't necessarily publish everything, but we will publish most things, although we reserve the right to edit your submissions for content and style.

Do it for yourself. Do it for the children. Do it so we never have to suffer the heartbreak of a lull again.

weirdosofwinnipeg@gmail.com (or just comment somewhere, and mention that it's intended as a submission rather than a comment)

Wait... where is it going?

A man and a woman are walking down the street and they see a hobo.

Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: ... what?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: What?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: WHAT?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: WHAT?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: Oh... yeah, it is.
Man: That's an old expression. You know... "This neighborhood is going to the dogs."
Woman: Oh yeah.

overhead: in west broadway

It's been ten years. You can stop wearing the t-shirts now.

I've got bad news.

The Jets have left Winnipeg.

And they aren't coming back.

Is that a serious question?

Dolt: (staring hard at a box of Frosted Cheerios) So... do these come with milk or not?

overheard: in a corner grocery store

That's not all she stepped in

Two very small children are playing on the street.

Little Boy: You stepped in the lava! You stepped in the lava! You stepped in the lava!
Little Girl: (bewildered) I'm okay!

overheard: in south osborne

Weirdo Weekend Wee-Ones

Well it's the weekend, and you know what that means!

No, actually, you don't, because we've never done this before. Starting now, weekends are a time for children.

Unless we don't have anything good, in which case we'll just take the weekend off. See this post for more.

As in ghosts, or alcohol?

Okay, so this is not really Winnipeg, but rather Manitoba as a whole. Still...

Manitoba has changed it's official motto/logo/slogan from "Friendly Manitoba" to "Spirited Energy". Reactions across the province have been mixed.

How are those three things related?

Little Old Lady: What year was that bus from, 1860? It's so small! And then they complain about not having any customers!
Woman: ... yeah.

overheard: at a 29 bus stop

I think that's Winnipeg's new official motto

Tourist: What is that smell? It smells exactly like Mexico!

overheard: on the riverwalk

But he's got a great personality

Flameshirt the Shadow Dweller has been mysteriously transformed into Noshirt the Sunlight Dweller. Yeesh.