I heard that's how The Flash got his powers.

Two kids are outside an elementary school, one is trying to climb the guidewire attached to a telephone pole.

Girl: You shouldn't climb that! You could get electrocuted.
Boy: I KNOW! That's the whole POINT!

-overheard in wolseley

Only slightly more expensive then the dads at WalMart

Haggard Daddy: How about you just stay at Safeway and buy yourself a new dad?

Hyper Child: Okay!!

(we suggest this guy)


-overheard in the safeway in osborne village

Here, have a diet pepsi

Some EMO kid is going out through a door from the mall. An older suit type is walking in.

Suit: You're going the wrong way.

EMO kid: So, huh? (keeps walking)

Suit: (turns around, yelling) You are going the wrong way with your whole life!

(brief pause)

EMO: You are SO OLD!

-overheard in grant park

-thanks to kevin for the submission

Metaphysics

A little girl of about three years old is talking to her mother on the bus. The mother rings the bell for the stop.

Mom: We'll talk about this outside, okay?
Girl: Outside? There is no outside!

-overheard on the 10

And it's all contained in this little tube!

Little Boy: [looking through telescope] Oma... I can see the universe!!!

-overheard at oak hammock marsh

Which is the greater mystery?

Conversation between a mom and her 11-year old boy over lunch.

Boy: Mom, where does the spirit go?
Mom: Oh man, that's quite a question. I'm not quite sure how to answer that. I mean, it's kind of a deep question for a little boy to ask. The spirit, huh? Do you mean after you die, honey?
Boy: No, I mean the bus.

-overheard

What if God was one of us... and worked at a coffee shop?

A mom and her young boy (maybe 7 or 8) stand at the bar of my coffee shop placing their orders. When I hand the little guy his blueberry italian cream soda with whipped cream on top, his eyes light up as he snatches it from my hands. The mother, seeing an opportunity for a lesson in politeness asks him "What do you say?" In a grandiose fashion he replies "Thank you GOD!"

Sipping delightedly on his soda, the boy and left the store with his mom.

-overheard in st. james


Thanks to Erica for the contribution

And that ugly guy over there, did his face get stuck like that?

A dwarf gets on the bus.

Tactless Child: How come that lady is just a little lady?
Mother: ...
Tactless Child: Did she not eat her vegetables?

It's a lot whiter than the brown one

Little Boy: (upon seeing the white buffalo at the zoo) It's not THAT white.

overheard: at the assiniboine park zoo

That's not all she stepped in

Two very small children are playing on the street.

Little Boy: You stepped in the lava! You stepped in the lava! You stepped in the lava!
Little Girl: (bewildered) I'm okay!

overheard: in south osborne

Children are Weird

A small child takes off her sock, then throws it on the floor of the bus.

Garbage-bag Man: Hey, the little girl... dropped her... thing.
Young Woman: (hands the sock back to the child)
Small Child: (puts the sock in her mouth)

I'm ... getting some mixed messages here

Small Child: (singing) He's bad every day
But he's good every day.
He's always good
But he's bad all the time...

-overheard: in a grocery store

Meet the Weirdos

Broadway Bizarros

Flameshirt the Shadow Dweller: A creepy old man with (apparently) only one shirt who likes to hang out in the shadows of one of the apartment buildings in West Broadway.
FSD's appearances: 1, 2

Hairy the Dog Man: A greatly bearded, long haired man with one pipe and two toy dogs.
Hairy's appearances: 1, 2

Buster the Disowned Rankin Brother: A cheerful panhandler often seen at Osborne and Broadway, who sings loudly and mumbles incoherently.
Buster's appearances: 1

Osborne Oddities

The Penis Man: A panhandler in Osborne Village who is often accompanied by his very drunk sidekick. Got his name when he claimed that he needed money for a penis reduction.
The Penis Man's appearances: 1

Yappy the Aggressively Cheerful Woman: A panhandler in Osborne Village who often sat outside Movie Village, and cheerfully (but aggressively (hence the name)) asked passers by: Gotanysparechange? Maybeonthewayout?
Sadly, she passed away in fall, and the city was deprived of a little bit of its colour.
Yappy's appearances: 1, 2

Exchange Eccentrics

Mr. Thirsty: A discheveled looking man in his mid-to-late forties spotted from time to time in the Exchange District.
Mr. Thirsty's appearances: 1, 2

Distinctive Downtowners

B.G.: A frail,intense-looking man of around 80 whose initials really are B.G.
B.G.'s appearances: 1, 2

Miscellanious Mischief-makers

The Pig-Man: A Fort Gary resident whose turned up nose, pointed ears and beady eyes apparently make him resemble a pig. There has been some skeptism expressed in the comments as to the actual existance of the Pig-Man, but the original submitter of the story is adament that it is true.

Bus Crazies

These weirdos deserve a class all by themselves. They defy geographical classification (and alliteration). Ever been on a bus and notice that the person sitting in front of you is talking a little too excitedly? To no one? Ever see someone get into a screaming match with the driver over 5 cents? Then you know who I'm talking about.

Crazy Kids

We used to do this feature where we had children's quotes on weekends. We don't do that anymore, but you can still read the ones that there are from, you know, the past.

The Trike Guy

Rough looking dude with long hair, handlebar mustache, etc, who drives around the city on what is clearly a homemade motertricycle.