We're ALL looking at you like you're crazy.

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.
He: Huh?
She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?
He: *confused*
She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.
He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.
She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]
He: Oh, just shut up already!
She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.
He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

-overheard on the 60

They are not actually cartoons. We are comparing them to cartoons.

Agnes Skinner walks into a Taco Bell with her son Seymour.

Mother: I would like a menu and a table for two please.

When informed that they didn't have menus, she appears taken aback.

Mother: Do you have taco shells that can be eaten?

The staff inform her that yes, all taco shells (hard or soft) are edible.


-overheard in unicity

-thanks to deb for the contribution

You aren't actually a weirdo. You're just the essense of weirdo.

Girl: ... and pickles please.
Guy: Why do you always order pickles on your sub? You always just pick them all off.
Girl: I don't like actual pickles. I just like the essence of pickle.

-overheard in a subway on grant

Here, have a diet pepsi

Some EMO kid is going out through a door from the mall. An older suit type is walking in.

Suit: You're going the wrong way.

EMO kid: So, huh? (keeps walking)

Suit: (turns around, yelling) You are going the wrong way with your whole life!

(brief pause)

EMO: You are SO OLD!

-overheard in grant park

-thanks to kevin for the submission