Photo Contest.

Throughout the month of March we will be featuring pictures of Winnipeg.

You can submit your photos by sending them in electronic form to weirdosofwinnipeg@gmail.com. Our favourite picture submitted before March 31 will win a stylish t-shirt of their choice from the Weirdos of Winnipeg Store. We'll even use your picture in a design! Snazzy! So here are the rules:

1. No pictures of people's faces. We'll still post overheard weirdness and stories about people as usual, but to protect the identity of the innocent, we won't post pictures of people's faces.
2. Pictures of weird graffiti are good, but please don't make the graffiti yourself. Firstly it's cheating (like submitting something you said as an overheard, it's just cheap) and secondly we don't want to encourage the defacement of public property.
3. The kinds of things we are looking for: weird graffiti, weird signs, weird things around town, stuff that is unique to Winnipeg. They can be pictures that are intrinsically funny, or they can be pictures of mundane things with creative or funny captions. We do reserve the right to change the captions if we think we're funnier than you are. But how likely is that really?
4. By submitting pictures you forfeit legal rights to them. That means: don't submit a picture you want to submit to a different photography contest or want to publish in a book. It may seem greedy of us, but once you submit a picture to us, we own it.

The other ones are hidden behind the desk.

Guy: Where are your videos?
Library Worker: Adult videos?
Guy: (turns red) n-n-no... just the regular kind
Library Worker: (laughs) ...as opposed to Children's.
Guy: oh, yeah
Library Worker: Second floor.

-overheard at millenium library


thanks to j.m. for the submission

Like a Living Ken Doll

Man: So, you're waiting for a bus, eh?
Me: Yes.
Man: I don't tell very many people about this, but you seem friendly. You'd probably never guess, but I have an unusual disability.
Me: Uh, really ... you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.
Man: It's o.k., I trust you. [Pause.] I don't have a penis any more.
Me [my eyes involuntarily racing around the floor for signs of recent carnage]: Oh my god! ... [then, relieved at not seeing any] ... oh, you weren't talking about TODAY..., were you? [Nervous laughter as I recognize my possibly attrocious mistake]
Man: Maybe you don't believe me?
Me: No, I do. Honestly.
Man [smiling]: Wanna know what happened?
Me [after a moment of stunned silence]: Er, I think I see my bus ... coming down the street. So nice to meet you! [I run away]

-overheard in osborne village


thanks to j.d. for the contribution

I liked the singing part better

Guitar Guy: (singing) Hang down yer head Tom Dooley... (stops) (yelling) Hey! Hey! The government is watching you! I'm just a figment of your imagination! You! Hey you! I'm in your head!



-overheard downtown

Weekend Weird Wee Ones

Well, it's the weekend, and you know what that means!

And it's all contained in this little tube!

Little Boy: [looking through telescope] Oma... I can see the universe!!!

-overheard at oak hammock marsh

Feel-good Lighthearted Comedy Romp

After a showing of The Good German:

Film Aficionado: God! How depressing! Now let's go and rent Schindler's List.

-overheard at grant park theatre

Press yellow strip to open door. Moron.

There is a whole sub-category of bus-crazies who are most likely perfectly sane in ordinary life, but for whom the bus is a catalyst of craziness.

The most noticeable of these are the people who can't figure out how to work the back door.

I realize that there are many people for whom a ride on the bus is something of a quaint oddity, or a unique inconvenience. These people are not familiar with the rules of bus travel. Their natural ignorance can be cheerfully forgiven. What I'm talking about are the people who can't (or won't) read or take advantage of the helpful diagrams Winnipeg Transit has provided, and instead react to their frustration with violence.

I'm talking about the people who pound with all their might upon the door, while yelling "BACK DOOR!! BAAACK DOOOOOR!!!!", as if the bus driver were cruelly imprisoning them by refusing to let them off the bus.

In these situations I like to lean across, and using only one finger, press the yellow strip and watch the door magically swing open for the frustrated and angry tourist in my world of bus travel. They rarely thank me.

Guaranteed to Make You MORE ATTRACTIVE*

Check out the Weirdos of Winnipeg Store! Stylish shirts (and now buttons) can be purchased here.


Featured shirt design:




Don't forget the snazzy buttons, which you can pin to either your shirt or to the strap of your backpack. But nowhere else. We don't tolerate nonconformity here at weirdosofwinnipeg.

*or at least, less shirtless

Rosencrantz on lead guitar and vocals, Guildenstern on drums...

Drama Enthusiast: I got tickets to see ‘Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead’ for tonight.
Drama Unenthusiast: Oh, will Rosencrantz and Guildenstern actually be there? Will they be performing?


-overheard in a downtown office


thanks to dogan for the contribution

More Reindeer Games

Suit: So I say to my daughter "those are reindeer, they need hooves" and she tells me "but daddy, they do have boobs!"....


-overheard on the skywalk (downtown)

...and did that actually happen, or is the artist making it up?

Art Critic: Like, I don't get it. Is the water, like, turning into a piano, or, like, is the piano turning into water? Or is the piano just, like, sitting in water?

-overheard on the #11

Imagine that.

Sorority Girl: ... yeah, I remember that party! It was great! My costume left, like, NOTHING to the imagination...

-overheard at the u of m

Wee Weirdo Weekend Ones

Well it's the weekend, and you know what that means!

Which is the greater mystery?

Conversation between a mom and her 11-year old boy over lunch.

Boy: Mom, where does the spirit go?
Mom: Oh man, that's quite a question. I'm not quite sure how to answer that. I mean, it's kind of a deep question for a little boy to ask. The spirit, huh? Do you mean after you die, honey?
Boy: No, I mean the bus.

-overheard

That's what she said.

New Winnipegger: I had no idea there were so many different kinds of snow! It's just icy water, who knew? But this stuff is like, hard, and last time it was, like, fat and fluffy.

-overheard on the #17 bus

Yes. Cash Only. I'll just put it here in my pocket for safekeeping.

Not-so-saavy guy: Hello, I need to email a resume to Ontario and I hear you have those services here.
Library person: Yes, we do...[starts explaining how that works]
Not-so-saavy guy: but, does it cost extra to send an email to Ontario?


-overheard at the millenium library

Car hit by Dog

A man was walking his large dog, without a leash, when the dog spotted a small dog across the street. Curious, the large dog came running across the street to investigate.

The dog reached the midway mark of the street.
A car screeched to a halt.
The man called his dog.

The dog turned around, and bonked head first into the side of the stopped car, making a funny "clunking" sound.

The upset driver and the unleashed dog's owner exchanged exasperated glances, and then all parties, human and canine alike, went their separate ways none the worse for wear.

Ballsy

Frat Boy: ... so the prof walked into class and he looked right at me and he said "[Scott], your right testicle is hanging out." That's how he started the class!

-overheard at the u of m

He was giving me lip

Nostalgic Guy: Remember that time we went to a party at that emu farm and you punched that horse in the face?

-overheard in osborne village


thanks to liz for the contribution

Newsworthy

Thanks to David Sanderson for his great article on WoW in the Winnipeg Free Press.

Wee-One Weirdos Weekends

Well it's the weekend, and you know what that means!

What if God was one of us... and worked at a coffee shop?

A mom and her young boy (maybe 7 or 8) stand at the bar of my coffee shop placing their orders. When I hand the little guy his blueberry italian cream soda with whipped cream on top, his eyes light up as he snatches it from my hands. The mother, seeing an opportunity for a lesson in politeness asks him "What do you say?" In a grandiose fashion he replies "Thank you GOD!"

Sipping delightedly on his soda, the boy and left the store with his mom.

-overheard in st. james


Thanks to Erica for the contribution

...and what does this "Dec" part mean?

Passenger: What Bus is this?
Bus Driver: The 66.
Passenger: It's supposed to be the 29! Why did you give me this transfer that says 29?
Bus Driver: It's the 29th.

overheard on the 66