Monday, December 08, 2008

University life is all about asking the right questions

Questioner: can you tell me where Answers is?
Answerer: um, this is it
Questioner: oh... *walk away*

-overheard at U of M

-via minima_de_malis at

Friday, December 05, 2008

Hi There...

If you've found us for the first time through CBC radio, welcome! Look around, and consider submitting stuff!

Check us Out! We're on the Radio!

Weirdos of Winnipeg was interviewed for CBC Radio One's "Up to Speed", and we've been told that it will likely air this afternoon!

Check us out!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Where have you people been?

Weirdos of Winnipeg is not on haitus--not officially, anyway.

But the birth of my daughter three months ago has forced a temporary re-allocation of my time and priorities.

Don't worry though, things are slowing down in my personal life, and Weirdos of Winnipeg will be back to regular posts soon.

I hope.

In the mean time, submit stuff!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Well, ringing the bell, he was asking for it.

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

-thanks to deb for the submission

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I'm pretty sure I've seen this guy.

We're driving down Pembina to a friend's place. Up ahead we see something unusual driving in the centre lane. We get closer and realize it's a trike. Cool! We get even closer and realize it's a homemade trike. Un-flippin-real! We pull up beside it and I get a closer look. The dude driving it--rough looking dude with long hair, handlebar mustache, etc.--is clearly the man who built this badass machinery. He's put a crooked license plate holder on the back (this thing is actually legal), leather tassels on the handlebars, and built a pretty rad exhaust system. But, the piece de resistance--I kid you not--was the beer keg for a gas tank. It was up near the front suspension, sideways, and possibly serving a dual purpose. It was tough to tell if it was just there for decoration, or if it actually was the gas tank, but we're fairly certain it was the latter.

We eventually passed him, but on our way back I caught another look at the same trike backing into a parking spot in front of the 7-11. Pure Winnipeg! I'd give all the money in my wallet for a picture of that dude riding away, holding a slurpee between his knees.

-thanks to wes for the submission

Saturday, July 12, 2008

We're not jumping on the Mayor's bandwagon, he's jumping on ours.

In a move that may very well be the first the he ever does that I like, Winnipeg's Mayor, Sam Katz, has decided that Winnipeg's fabulous "Welcome" signs need to be replaced.

So the Mayor has some tough questions to answer, and some difficult deciding to do.

I have difficulty imagining a colour scheme less attractive than the current one (which seems to be inspired by what would happen if you took the Blue Bombers and left them out in the sun for too long,

In the 60's.

In a cartoon dream sequence.)

So that seems safe. But it is still uncertain whether the actual slogan will also be changed (thus rendering a Weakerthans song much less comprehensible, which may be the point).

Some suggested new slogans:

1. Centre of it All. Oh, I get it, because Winnipeg is the longitudinal centre of Canada. Or at least, pretty close. How about "Pretty close to the centre of it all"?

2. City of Opportunity. That's what Regina calls itself. Ask yourself. Do we want to be Regina?

3. Heart of the Continent. Right, like that first one, except, you know, less clever. And less true.

4. Heart of the Country. Does that make Alberta the pancreas?

5. (We don't want a slogan, just a new sign!)

And the Free Press's suggestions:

1. Centre of it all

2. City of Opportunity

3. Heart of the Continent

4. More than just the Middle of the Road. You're shooting high there: "We're actually not the mundane, boring place you undoubtedly think we are! Honest!"

5. Muddy Waters, Clear Skies. Okay... I kinda like this one.

Our suggestions:
Welcome Winnipeg: Smells like Mexico!
Welcome to Winnipeg: We have Syphilis!
Welcome to Winnipeg: Neil Young lived here for a while! And we were mentioned once on The West Wing!!!
Welcome to Winnipeg: Home of the Weirdos

Add your own suggestions in the comments box.

Friday, July 11, 2008

We're ALL looking at you like you're crazy.

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.
He: Huh?
She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?
He: *confused*
She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.
He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.
She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]
He: Oh, just shut up already!
She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.
He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

-overheard on the 60

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

... and I like to record the insanity of random people on the bus

Two men get on the bus. The first is heavyset and balding, the other is wirey and wears glasses.

All of a sudden, the Glasses Man smacks Baldy on the knee.

Baldy: Do I ... know you?
Glasses: No.
Baldy: Then ... why did you do that?
Glasses: I like to hit random people on the bus.

-overheard on the 47

Sunday, June 22, 2008

They are not actually cartoons. We are comparing them to cartoons.

Agnes Skinner walks into a Taco Bell with her son Seymour.

Mother: I would like a menu and a table for two please.

When informed that they didn't have menus, she appears taken aback.

Mother: Do you have taco shells that can be eaten?

The staff inform her that yes, all taco shells (hard or soft) are edible.

-overheard in unicity

-thanks to deb for the contribution

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Thou shalt not...

Terry MacLeod: I covet other people's rhubarb.

overheard on information radio this morning

I know what the Joker would say about that:

Friday, May 30, 2008

When life gives you businessmen...

Woman, on her cell: Is he like a businessman, businessman? Or is this like when I used to call sell lemonade and call myself a businessman?

-overheard on the #60

Thursday, May 29, 2008

But feel free to do so in the bus shelter.

Woman (stepping on to the bus): SHIT!

Bus Driver: Not on my bus, please.

overheard on the #17

Thursday, May 15, 2008

... so I had this guy TOTALLY convinced I was a cop!

I was crossing Portage, when a young man on a bicycle approached me. He was maybe in his early twenties, or younger, with waist-length blond hair and smelled noticeably of beer. In general he looked like he would fit in very well in 1967.

Hippie: Winnipeg Police! Winnipeg Police! Hey.
Me: [slows down, but does not stop]
Hippie: Hey, I'm with the Winnipeg Police, uh, I've got my badge right here [reaches for his back pocket, but doesn't take anything out] Uh, let's cross the street. Yeah, cross the street.
Me: [thinking] Why is he pretending to be the police? Where is he going with this?
Hippie: Where did you get that ... uh ... jacket and book?
Me: [thinking] Is he going to try to mug me for a water-damaged copy of Foucault's Pendulum? I haven't finished it yet!
Hippie: So I'm with the Winnipeg Police...
Me: [keeps walking]
Hippie: So you've been ... uh ... you've been seen dealing drugs. You've been dealing drugs, right?
Me: [laughing] No.
Hippie: Hahaha! Just kidding man! F*** those guys! [bikes away]

Thursday, May 01, 2008

I heard that's how The Flash got his powers.

Two kids are outside an elementary school, one is trying to climb the guidewire attached to a telephone pole.

Girl: You shouldn't climb that! You could get electrocuted.
Boy: I KNOW! That's the whole POINT!

-overheard in wolseley