Well, ringing the bell, he was asking for it.

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

-thanks to deb for the submission

... and I like to record the insanity of random people on the bus

Two men get on the bus. The first is heavyset and balding, the other is wirey and wears glasses.

All of a sudden, the Glasses Man smacks Baldy on the knee.

Baldy: Do I ... know you?
Glasses: No.
Baldy: Then ... why did you do that?
Glasses: I like to hit random people on the bus.

-overheard on the 47

... so I had this guy TOTALLY convinced I was a cop!

I was crossing Portage, when a young man on a bicycle approached me. He was maybe in his early twenties, or younger, with waist-length blond hair and smelled noticeably of beer. In general he looked like he would fit in very well in 1967.

Hippie: Winnipeg Police! Winnipeg Police! Hey.
Me: [slows down, but does not stop]
Hippie: Hey, I'm with the Winnipeg Police, uh, I've got my badge right here [reaches for his back pocket, but doesn't take anything out] Uh, let's cross the street. Yeah, cross the street.
Me: [thinking] Why is he pretending to be the police? Where is he going with this?
Hippie: Where did you get that ... uh ... jacket and book?
Me: [thinking] Is he going to try to mug me for a water-damaged copy of Foucault's Pendulum? I haven't finished it yet!
Hippie: So I'm with the Winnipeg Police...
Me: [keeps walking]
Hippie: So you've been ... uh ... you've been seen dealing drugs. You've been dealing drugs, right?
Me: [laughing] No.
Hippie: Hahaha! Just kidding man! F*** those guys! [bikes away]

If only we could get people to show up for work...

The Bong Factory



-snapped by blaine

Pros and Cons

A couple of weeks ago, we went to a downtown restaurant. As we were leaving the busy restaurant, we were approached by a guy in a hardhat.

Hardhat: Excuse me. Do any of you have a cell phone I could borrow? My ^%$ truck just got stolen, with all my tools in it.

Me: Uh, yeah. Sure. Here. (hands over cell phone)

HH: Thanks. I'm from Brandon, but this is a local call, okay. I'm just calling my supervisor. (dials) This is some &*&^ place you've got here. I've been waiting three hours for the police, but they said they have eight cars a day stolen in this &*^& city. %$%#$. My wallet was in the truck too. $#$#. He's not there. Just voicemail. Look, do you have $13 for the bus back to Brandon, or I'm going to be stuck here.

Me: Uh, geez, I'm sorry. I have nothing on me. (shrugs. walks away.)

Questions for discussion:

1. Who does construction on Sunday night?
2. Was it a coincidence that he was hanging around outside a restaurant that was having a little bit of construction done?
3. Why hadn't he already asked the restaurant if he could use their phone, if he had been standing there for three hours?
4. Why did he need $13, if a one-way ticket to Brandon is in fact $31.15?
5. What came first, the hardhat, or the plan?

-thanks to kelly for the story

I have a hug and I'm not afraid to use it

A guy was walking around the Forks Market with a sign that said “FREE HUGS”.

A security officer escorted him off the property.

-thanks to allison for the submission