Well, ringing the bell, he was asking for it.

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

-thanks to deb for the submission

We're ALL looking at you like you're crazy.

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.
He: Huh?
She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?
He: *confused*
She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.
He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.
She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]
He: Oh, just shut up already!
She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.
He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

-overheard on the 60

... and I like to record the insanity of random people on the bus

Two men get on the bus. The first is heavyset and balding, the other is wirey and wears glasses.

All of a sudden, the Glasses Man smacks Baldy on the knee.

Baldy: Do I ... know you?
Glasses: No.
Baldy: Then ... why did you do that?
Glasses: I like to hit random people on the bus.

-overheard on the 47

When life gives you businessmen...

Woman, on her cell: Is he like a businessman, businessman? Or is this like when I used to call sell lemonade and call myself a businessman?

-overheard on the #60

But feel free to do so in the bus shelter.

Woman (stepping on to the bus): SHIT!

Bus Driver: Not on my bus, please.

overheard on the #17

Not even if I really REALLY want to?

Driver Dan: We have a strict policy here at Winnipeg Transit—no tipping the driver, please. No tipping the driver.

-overheard on the 60

No Such Thing

Here at WoW, we are often riding the bus. It's our unofficial headquarters.
A bus ad has been making us crazy, perhaps you've seen it, it features a leisure suit wearing gentleman advertising Lifestyle Condoms (sorry we've cut him out of the picture). I truly hope that the point of the ad is that men like him should never procreate, but I digress.

The thing that bugs us about this ad is the presence of this button. It looks like a computer keyboard button and it says "undo". The caption being "There is no such thing in life".
I encourage our readers to look down at their own keyboards. How many of them have this button? I'm guessing none. Because not only does it not exist in real life, it does not exist on a keyboard.

We here at WoW encourage clever bus ads, but have yet to see any.

Plus, I've already had my cootie shot, so...

Nor-ender: Man, I'm from the North End, screw the 10 second rule. We had the 8 minute rule. If nobody kicks it, you get to eat it.

-overheard on the bus

But it smells so much like the Ex!

Gansta Kid#1: Dude! We're on the pivot point
Gansta Kid #2: Does it spin? Is it gonna spin all around when we turn?
Gansta Kid #3: This ain't no Gravitron!

-overheard on the #60 "Accordion" bus

I call it Confusion Corner.

Dan the Driver: Coming now to Crazy Corner. CRAZY Corner. Also known as Pembina Osborne and Corydon. Crazy Corner. (through the intercom) CRAZY CORNER, in case anyone's sleeping. Crazy driver at Crazy Corner.

-overheard on the #60

The street that's fun to say. Try it yourself.

Dan the Driver: Now approaching Byng Place. BYNG. My favourite street: Byng. BINGGG!

-overheard on the #60

If you drop an anvil on someone in real life it will kill them.

Enthusiastic Teen: [singing] Hello my sweetheart, hello my darling, hello my ragtime gaaal!

...

I used to watch that Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show, and that frog would come on and sing, and I was like, what the hell? That doesn't happen in real life!

-overheard on the #29


PS. Did you enjoy our little April Fool's prank?

...and recording it to post on a website.

Teen Girl: My nose wiggles when I talk, is that weird?
So-and-so: Everyone's nose wiggles when they talk!
Whatsherface: Mine doesn't.
Teen girl: My nose is always cold, maybe that's because it's big
So-and-so: I like guys with big noses.
Teen girl: Doesn't it get in the way when you make out?
So-and-so: No!
Whatsherface: I like big noses too, big Jewish noses.
Teen girl: I think [Alan] has a cute nose.
Whatsherface: You just admited you think he's cute! You said you didn't like him!
Teen girl: Just because I think his nose is cute doesn't mean I like him!
So-and-so: Can you believe we're having this conversation on a bus? We're such freaks, people could be listening.

-overheard on the #60

Is it confusing that the Fort Garry isn't in Fort Garry?

Hopeful Bus Rider: Do you go past the Fort Garry?
Bus Driver: I'm going to say... [long pause] ...yes?

HBR gets on the bus. The bus pulls away.

Bus Driver: Where's the Fort Garry?

-overheard on the 60

How else could it know that Halloween is on the 31st AGAIN this year?

Chick 1: Hey, you know how my calendar is psychic?
Chick 2: Uh...

-overheard on the 60

My Button says "I love the Weirdos"

Loud Bus Man: (pointing at button on a girl's backpack) What does your badge say?
Button Girl: I love Metric
Loud Bus Man: Wow. I've heard about people lovin some crazy things, but I've never heard of anyone loving the Metric system before.
Button Girl: It's a band.
Loud Bus Man: (deflated) Oh.

-overheard on the #60

Free Spirit...ed energy?

Down-to-earth Girl: She doesn't lock her door. She says she's a free spirit, but it's not her stuff getting stolen!



overheard on the #18

Maybe if he played the guitar better, it wouldn't seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Dude: ...it's like sleeping with a guys girlfriend, stealing his guitar. It's just low.

overheard on the #18

I can't answer, I'm holding my breath

I live my life trying to avoid contact with bus crazies. But a bus crazy got on the 16 this morning, and, naturally sat down right beside me, event hough there were many completely empty seats on the bus. Why I attract these people is one of life's mysteries.

Bus Crazy: (gesturing to passing cemetary) HEY! Guess how many dead people are buried there!
Me: (Does he want a number? A guesstimate? Will he pull a knife out from under his parka and still my throat if I don't answer--?) I...uh...I...don't know...
Bus Crazy: All of them!
Me: What?
Bus Crazy: They're all dead! Ha! I heard that joke when I was five years old and it gets 'em every time!
Me: Heh. All of them. (I flip open my cell phone and start busily entering a long sequence of random numbers. After a couple of minutes he gets up and goes to visit somebody else.)

-overheard on the 16


thanks to dogen for the contribution

It's not illegal, just taboo!

Drunken Golfer: ... hey, HE's the guy who said he checks out his cousin's ass!
Drunken Golfer #2: I do not! ... She's totally hot! ... seriously, she's a fitness model!

-overheard on the 60