Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Very Seductive

Seductress: I'm going to text-message seduce him
Friend: Does he have a cell phone?
S: Yeah, I saw him on it
F: He has kind of a lisp
S: Yeah, he talks like a homo
F: He looks like a homo.
S: He looks like he needs to put his genitals inside me. And I'm going to let him.

-overheard on broadway

Friday, May 25, 2007

No, it's the big nose that makes you look like a velociraptor.

Female student to another, while pulling up her hood before going out in the rain:

Are you sure this doesn't make me look like a velociraptor?

- overheard at U of W

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Pants are Strong in this one

Brunette Girl: Have you had that sub, you know the one with the short dark hair?
Blonde Girl: Is she Chinese?
Guy: She (points to another girl) has dark hair, that doesn't make her Chinese.
Blonde Girl: Isn't your mom Chinese?
Guy: No she has big eyes. Do I look Chinese?
Girl Who Isn't Chinese: The sub who always wears pants, really really tight pants?
Exchange Student: Is it unnormal to wear pants every day?
Brunette Girl: Yeah, that's the one.

--overheard in band room, after school

-thanks to claire for the submission

Thursday, May 03, 2007

I can't answer, I'm holding my breath

I live my life trying to avoid contact with bus crazies. But a bus crazy got on the 16 this morning, and, naturally sat down right beside me, event hough there were many completely empty seats on the bus. Why I attract these people is one of life's mysteries.

Bus Crazy: (gesturing to passing cemetary) HEY! Guess how many dead people are buried there!
Me: (Does he want a number? A guesstimate? Will he pull a knife out from under his parka and still my throat if I don't answer--?) I...uh...I...don't know...
Bus Crazy: All of them!
Me: What?
Bus Crazy: They're all dead! Ha! I heard that joke when I was five years old and it gets 'em every time!
Me: Heh. All of them. (I flip open my cell phone and start busily entering a long sequence of random numbers. After a couple of minutes he gets up and goes to visit somebody else.)

-overheard on the 16

thanks to dogen for the contribution

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

It's not illegal, just taboo!

Drunken Golfer: ... hey, HE's the guy who said he checks out his cousin's ass!
Drunken Golfer #2: I do not! ... She's totally hot! ... seriously, she's a fitness model!

-overheard on the 60

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Hey m@, tell us more!

From the Weirdos Mailbag. This was a comment, but I think it deserves to be a post.

I submit for your approval, the frail guy outside The Bay Vaughan doors who shouts "I can't afford anything!" to every single person who passes by.

WoW vows to send a spy to Vaughan and investigate.

-thanks to m@ for the comment