Thursday, July 31, 2008

I'm pretty sure I've seen this guy.

We're driving down Pembina to a friend's place. Up ahead we see something unusual driving in the centre lane. We get closer and realize it's a trike. Cool! We get even closer and realize it's a homemade trike. Un-flippin-real! We pull up beside it and I get a closer look. The dude driving it--rough looking dude with long hair, handlebar mustache, etc.--is clearly the man who built this badass machinery. He's put a crooked license plate holder on the back (this thing is actually legal), leather tassels on the handlebars, and built a pretty rad exhaust system. But, the piece de resistance--I kid you not--was the beer keg for a gas tank. It was up near the front suspension, sideways, and possibly serving a dual purpose. It was tough to tell if it was just there for decoration, or if it actually was the gas tank, but we're fairly certain it was the latter.

We eventually passed him, but on our way back I caught another look at the same trike backing into a parking spot in front of the 7-11. Pure Winnipeg! I'd give all the money in my wallet for a picture of that dude riding away, holding a slurpee between his knees.

-thanks to wes for the submission

Saturday, July 12, 2008

We're not jumping on the Mayor's bandwagon, he's jumping on ours.

In a move that may very well be the first the he ever does that I like, Winnipeg's Mayor, Sam Katz, has decided that Winnipeg's fabulous "Welcome" signs need to be replaced.

So the Mayor has some tough questions to answer, and some difficult deciding to do.

I have difficulty imagining a colour scheme less attractive than the current one (which seems to be inspired by what would happen if you took the Blue Bombers and left them out in the sun for too long,

In the 60's.

In a cartoon dream sequence.)

So that seems safe. But it is still uncertain whether the actual slogan will also be changed (thus rendering a Weakerthans song much less comprehensible, which may be the point).

Some suggested new slogans:

1. Centre of it All. Oh, I get it, because Winnipeg is the longitudinal centre of Canada. Or at least, pretty close. How about "Pretty close to the centre of it all"?

2. City of Opportunity. That's what Regina calls itself. Ask yourself. Do we want to be Regina?

3. Heart of the Continent. Right, like that first one, except, you know, less clever. And less true.

4. Heart of the Country. Does that make Alberta the pancreas?

5. (We don't want a slogan, just a new sign!)

And the Free Press's suggestions:

1. Centre of it all

2. City of Opportunity

3. Heart of the Continent

4. More than just the Middle of the Road. You're shooting high there: "We're actually not the mundane, boring place you undoubtedly think we are! Honest!"

5. Muddy Waters, Clear Skies. Okay... I kinda like this one.

Our suggestions:
Welcome Winnipeg: Smells like Mexico!
Welcome to Winnipeg: We have Syphilis!
Welcome to Winnipeg: Neil Young lived here for a while! And we were mentioned once on The West Wing!!!
Welcome to Winnipeg: Home of the Weirdos

Add your own suggestions in the comments box.

Friday, July 11, 2008

We're ALL looking at you like you're crazy.

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.
He: Huh?
She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?
He: *confused*
She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.
He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.
She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]
He: Oh, just shut up already!
She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.
He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

-overheard on the 60

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

... and I like to record the insanity of random people on the bus

Two men get on the bus. The first is heavyset and balding, the other is wirey and wears glasses.

All of a sudden, the Glasses Man smacks Baldy on the knee.

Baldy: Do I ... know you?
Glasses: No.
Baldy: Then ... why did you do that?
Glasses: I like to hit random people on the bus.

-overheard on the 47