Wednesday, February 28, 2007

And it wasn't a fitness test

Guy: So I got the test results back, and it said I was in the 99th percentile. Out of the 50,000 people who took the test.
Girl: Wow! That's so ...
Guy: ... well, it was against Americans.
Girl: Oh. Well then.

-overheard at u of m

Well that's just pathetic

It's the last day of February and there haven't been any submissions for the Photo Contest. Come on, people! Those photos aren't going to take themselves!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Like how the Germans are into invading other countries?

High school female #1: You know how the French are all into religion?
High school female #2: Yeah?
High school female #1: Well, the English are all into sex.

-overheard on the 29

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Guess you had to be there

Math Geek 1: ... so then he's like: "r=r/i, v=vi"!
Math Geek 2: Oh man! That's hilarious!

-overheard at the u of m

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Tick Talk... or Spooooooooon!

Man: Did I ever tell you about the time that a tick got stuck under the foreskin of my friend's penis?

-overheard in a portapotty at Festival du Voyageur

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Mailbag Mensa

"All comments must be approved by the blog author." Yes, so this one has a chance. The yellow strip does not work properly all of the time. I have no idea why this is; I think perhaps my upper body strength is lacking. This is not indicative of level of intelligence. As a matter of fact, my IQ is 149, and yet, I am occasionally at issue with the yellow strip. You have poked fun at little but yourself.

Our favourite part is in bold. Classic.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Then I kicked myself in the stomach, and that was good too...

Guy: ... so I felt like my lungs had exploded, and my rib was like, in my throat, I was sooo winded. So I had a cigarette, and that helped.

-overheard on the 60

Monday, February 12, 2007

... but he sure looks good in blue!

Disco Dan: I told [Albert] he should totally be a bus driver.
Preppy Pete: Yeah! I can totally see that!
... he'd have to learn to drive first.
Disco Dan: Yeah, baby steps.

-overheard on the 60

Friday, February 09, 2007

So... many... jokes. Can't... pick... one.

Guy: ... I could wax your board so good!
Waxing my board is, like, sexual. I, like, wax board for hours.
Yeah, if I could I would totally marry my board. But the only problem is, it has this dent in it.

-overheard on the 60

Thursday, February 08, 2007

From the Mailbag

As we gain popularity (4 pages on Google!), so we gain Hatemail and Fanmail.

We love this. It's fuel for the fire that is WoW. Some people comment with stories that become part of the Weirdos posts, some people send us their laughter, others their hate.

And some people send us great links about eternal life.

Today's mailbag comes from self-proclaimed "Messenger of God" Kingsten Kensley .

He simply sent us a link, and so we checked it out.

We're not sure if he's from Winnipeg, but he certainly is a weirdo.

Our favourite part?
"To apply for discipleship and an everlasting life with the one and only true God, please email us"

Everlasting life via email! Awesome.

Please continue to send us hate and love mail. We'll be happy to feature it in our mailbag.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

We call that "Frostbite"

Woman: ... I don't feel the cold. I'm just numb to it ...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Part 2: A few weeks later

Read Part 1

I am stationed at the public service desk in the downtown office building where I work. I glance up and notice B.G. approaching, smiling benignly at me. For a second I assume I'm hallucinating, and then I think, "oh my god, he's found out where I work, and now I'm going to die."

B.G. (apparently failing to recognize me): Good afternoon, sir!
Me (trying to make myself as bland and unmemorable as possible): Uh, hello...
B.G.: I wonder if you had a chance to try the muffins I brought around earlier?
Me (completely thrown): Sorry, I hadn't heard about any muffins.
B.G.: Well, you really must try one; I just baked them myself this morning.
Me: Oh, really?
B.G.: Yes indeed. Now I wonder, sir, if by any chance you were at all acquainted with the late Mr. Burton Cummings? (He doesn't actually say Burton Cummings. He mentions the name of a prominent local man, considerably younger than himself, who to the best of my knowledge is still very much alive.)
Me (uncertainly): I know him by reputation...
B.G.: Well, as you seem like quite a nice young man yourself, I feel there is something I would like to share with you. (He takes a deep breath, and sighs.) One of the greatest satisfactions of my life has been that I was able to be of some comfort to him in the days of his final illness. He was such a lovely person! Such a talent!
Me (flabbergasted): Well, that's ... uh ... very nice! You know, I think I'll go and see if there are any of those muffins left.

I scurry away, and as the end of my shift is mercifully near, manage to spend the
remainder of it in hiding.

-thanks to j.d. for the contribution

Monday, February 05, 2007

Part 1: In the Vomitorium

This story is a two-parter involving the same person. Part 1 takes place in the bus shelter attached to one of Winnipeg's more dubious theme attractions which I'll refer to as The Vomitorium.

It is unseasonably cold, and the huddled masses in the shelter are trying not to inhale the reeking, bile-scented air. It is the end of a long working day for me, my blood-sugar has completely crashed, and I am extremely cranky.

B.G. (making his entrance like an old-time Vaudeville performer): How many people here know me? I'm B____ G____, the radio celebrity!

To my surprise, several people actually recognize him. Afterwards, a bystander explains to me that B.G. has made several appearances on a local talk-radio show. Later, I am curious enough to phone the station, where one of the staff rather sheepishly confirms that B.G. is indeed a semi-regular if self-invited guest

B.G. (basking in the adoration and lighting a cigarette): I know folks don't always like the stuff I do, but I'm too old to care. If they say anything about it, I just give 'em s**t!
Me (feeling brave because I am half his age and twice his size): I don't care who you are; you can't smoke in here.
B.G.: And who's going to stop me?
Me: I am.

I lunge toward him, snatch the cigarette out of his mouth,toss it on the floor, and grind it out with my shoe.

B.G.: That's it! You just assaulted me!
Me: Whatever! I didn't even touch you.
B.G.: I know all about your kind; you're one of those HOMOSEXUALS! Ihave a gun at home. You better not come back here, or I'll be waiting for you.
Me: Do you realize you have just threatened my life in front of thirty witnesses?
B.G.: It's your own fault. You assaulted me! I'm calling the police!
Me: Be my guest. I'm sure they'll be especially interested in the part where you tell them about the gun.

Continued in part 2.

-thanks to j.d. for the contribution

Saturday, February 03, 2007


A little girl of about three years old is talking to her mother on the bus. The mother rings the bell for the stop.

Mom: We'll talk about this outside, okay?
Girl: Outside? There is no outside!

-overheard on the 10

Friday, February 02, 2007

What about in "dictionary"?

English Professor: Well, you know, there's no "I" in "nation", or in "machine".
No wait...

-overheard at the u of m