Sound sketchy to me

Student: Hey, that's like the sketchiest Subway in the world. If you go in there at 3am you'll find, like the sketchiest people in the world.
Studette: ... why would you want to go to Subway at 3am?

No, not really.

Mr. Thirsty: Hey, do I look short to you?
Guy: Um... you're shorter than me...
Mr. Thirsty: How tall, would you say?
Guy: About... 5'3?
Mr. Thirsty: Really? I feel about three feet tall.
Guy: No, you're a lot taller than that.
Mr. Thirsty: Really? Really?

Can I get you anything else?

Mr. Thirsty: Hey, can you get me a drink?
Young Man: Um... I don't think so
Mr. Thirsty: I mean, not booze or anything, just a drink.
Young Man: Um... okay, sure.

A few minutes later the young man comes back and gives Mr. Thirsty a bottle of water and a bottle of apple juice.

And that ugly guy over there, did his face get stuck like that?

A dwarf gets on the bus.

Tactless Child: How come that lady is just a little lady?
Mother: ...
Tactless Child: Did she not eat her vegetables?

Wee-One Weirdo Weekends

Well, it's the weekend and you know what that means!

Yes. THEY are the weird ones

I walked around the corner and came across a sk8er boi rummaging through a dumpster. He tore open a black garbage bag, pulled out what seemed to be an empty kleenex box. He looked at me and smiled. "People throw out the weirdest things!"