This is Canada, the FBI have no jurisdiction here.

Paranoid Man: I'd like a comment card, right now.
Library Worker: Okay...
PM: They are keeping a secret file on me on the 3rd floor. They know my name and all my information.

At this point he grabs the comment card, takes out a marker and begins making long strokes, scribbles and dots - nothing that resembles the English language.

PM: I'm writing this in hieroglyphics. Only the FBI and one retired cop in Winnipeg know how to read this.
...

He'll be in later today.

-overheard at the millennium library