Reindeer Games

Hairy the Dog Man was—in his habitual way—walking down the street puffing on his pipe. With him were, as usual, his two white fluffy dogs. Both were dressed in Christmas sweaters, with wings attached to them, and wearing reindeer antlers.

"On Dasher! On Dancer" cried Hairy. He looked at me and, in an explanatory way added, "they shrunk in the wash."

... I've actually been selling crack.

Nice Girl: Hey, I haven't seen YOU in a long time! What are you up to these days?
Stoner: Selling acid.
Nice Girl: Oh...
Stoner: Heh. Just kidding.

-overheard on the 16

Gratefully Blonde?

Hairy the Dog Man is a thin man who is often seen walking down the street in West Broadway. He is rail-thin, has long hair, a full beard and looks like an aging hippie. He usually puffs ponderously on a pipe, while walking very slowly.

With him he has two small white fluffy toy dogs; possibly bichon frisés or toy poodles. Sometimes the dogs are running freely at his feet, and sometimes he is carrying one or both of them.

He's like a strange cross of Jerry Garcia and Elle Woods.

I suppose it's always nice to be appreciated

I was sitting on the bus, absorbed in a book.

A group of high school girls got on, and sat next to me. After a few minutes, one of them reached out her hand and stroked my hair.

Overly Friendly Girl: You've got really nice hair!
Me: Um ... thanks. (inches slightly away from her)

-overheard on the 66

Sound sketchy to me

Student: Hey, that's like the sketchiest Subway in the world. If you go in there at 3am you'll find, like the sketchiest people in the world.
Studette: ... why would you want to go to Subway at 3am?

No, not really.

Mr. Thirsty: Hey, do I look short to you?
Guy: Um... you're shorter than me...
Mr. Thirsty: How tall, would you say?
Guy: About... 5'3?
Mr. Thirsty: Really? I feel about three feet tall.
Guy: No, you're a lot taller than that.
Mr. Thirsty: Really? Really?

Can I get you anything else?

Mr. Thirsty: Hey, can you get me a drink?
Young Man: Um... I don't think so
Mr. Thirsty: I mean, not booze or anything, just a drink.
Young Man: Um... okay, sure.

A few minutes later the young man comes back and gives Mr. Thirsty a bottle of water and a bottle of apple juice.

And that ugly guy over there, did his face get stuck like that?

A dwarf gets on the bus.

Tactless Child: How come that lady is just a little lady?
Mother: ...
Tactless Child: Did she not eat her vegetables?

Wee-One Weirdo Weekends

Well, it's the weekend and you know what that means!

Yes. THEY are the weird ones

I walked around the corner and came across a sk8er boi rummaging through a dumpster. He tore open a black garbage bag, pulled out what seemed to be an empty kleenex box. He looked at me and smiled. "People throw out the weirdest things!"

There's only one of me

Druggie: Hey, do you guys like raves? Do you guys wanna score some e?
Solitary Guy: Uh... no thanks.

overheard: on portage

Because not everybody likes Dick.

Co-worker #1: Hey, check out this guy's name: Rich Husband
Co-worker #2: Haha! Why wouldn't he go by Richard?
Co-worker #3: Why wouldn't he go by Dick?

-overheard in a downtown office

You forgot the "nice shoes" part

Cougar: Hi
Twentysomething Guy: Hi
Cougar: Wanna f***?
Twentysomething Guy: (pretends not to hear)
Cougar: ...just kidding.

overheard: in an alley near broadway

Hiccoughs, tourette's or an escaping demon?

I was reading a book riding the bus, sitting near the back. Behind me was a normal looking woman of about 40, and a normal looking young woman of about 19. A normal looking man of about 30 was sitting to my right and there were various other people scattered throughout the bus.

Suddenly, from behind me I heard a noise.

It sounded like someone with reverse hiccoughs yelling "BHEP!" while gasping. I turned around and the 40s woman was smiling. The young woman looked a little weirded out.

"BHEP!!!" yelled the 40s woman.

I turned back to my book.

overheard: on the #29

Now repeat this experiment with a glowing element on your stove

Man: (looking at the freshly tarred road) Hey, look the road's steaming.
(leans down and holds his hand over the road) And it feels warm!
(touches the road) OW! IT'S HOT!

witnessed: on broadway