University life is all about asking the right questions

Questioner: can you tell me where Answers is?
Answerer: um, this is it
Questioner: oh... *walk away*

-overheard at U of M

-via minima_de_malis at overheardinwpg

Hi There...

If you've found us for the first time through CBC radio, welcome! Look around, and consider submitting stuff!

Check us Out! We're on the Radio!

Weirdos of Winnipeg was interviewed for CBC Radio One's "Up to Speed", and we've been told that it will likely air this afternoon!

Check us out!

Where have you people been?

Weirdos of Winnipeg is not on haitus--not officially, anyway.

But the birth of my daughter three months ago has forced a temporary re-allocation of my time and priorities.

Don't worry though, things are slowing down in my personal life, and Weirdos of Winnipeg will be back to regular posts soon.

I hope.

In the mean time, submit stuff!

Well, ringing the bell, he was asking for it.

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

-thanks to deb for the submission

I'm pretty sure I've seen this guy.

We're driving down Pembina to a friend's place. Up ahead we see something unusual driving in the centre lane. We get closer and realize it's a trike. Cool! We get even closer and realize it's a homemade trike. Un-flippin-real! We pull up beside it and I get a closer look. The dude driving it--rough looking dude with long hair, handlebar mustache, etc.--is clearly the man who built this badass machinery. He's put a crooked license plate holder on the back (this thing is actually legal), leather tassels on the handlebars, and built a pretty rad exhaust system. But, the piece de resistance--I kid you not--was the beer keg for a gas tank. It was up near the front suspension, sideways, and possibly serving a dual purpose. It was tough to tell if it was just there for decoration, or if it actually was the gas tank, but we're fairly certain it was the latter.

We eventually passed him, but on our way back I caught another look at the same trike backing into a parking spot in front of the 7-11. Pure Winnipeg! I'd give all the money in my wallet for a picture of that dude riding away, holding a slurpee between his knees.

-thanks to wes for the submission

We're not jumping on the Mayor's bandwagon, he's jumping on ours.

In a move that may very well be the first the he ever does that I like, Winnipeg's Mayor, Sam Katz, has decided that Winnipeg's fabulous "Welcome" signs need to be replaced.



So the Mayor has some tough questions to answer, and some difficult deciding to do.

I have difficulty imagining a colour scheme less attractive than the current one (which seems to be inspired by what would happen if you took the Blue Bombers and left them out in the sun for too long,




In the 60's.



In a cartoon dream sequence.)




So that seems safe. But it is still uncertain whether the actual slogan will also be changed (thus rendering a Weakerthans song much less comprehensible, which may be the point).

Some suggested new slogans:

1. Centre of it All. Oh, I get it, because Winnipeg is the longitudinal centre of Canada. Or at least, pretty close. How about "Pretty close to the centre of it all"?

2. City of Opportunity. That's what Regina calls itself. Ask yourself. Do we want to be Regina?

3. Heart of the Continent. Right, like that first one, except, you know, less clever. And less true.

4. Heart of the Country. Does that make Alberta the pancreas?

5. (We don't want a slogan, just a new sign!)

And the Free Press's suggestions:

1. Centre of it all

2. City of Opportunity

3. Heart of the Continent

4. More than just the Middle of the Road. You're shooting high there: "We're actually not the mundane, boring place you undoubtedly think we are! Honest!"

5. Muddy Waters, Clear Skies. Okay... I kinda like this one.

Our suggestions:
Welcome Winnipeg: Smells like Mexico!
Welcome to Winnipeg: We have Syphilis!
Welcome to Winnipeg: Neil Young lived here for a while! And we were mentioned once on The West Wing!!!
Welcome to Winnipeg: Home of the Weirdos

Add your own suggestions in the comments box.

We're ALL looking at you like you're crazy.

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.
He: Huh?
She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?
He: *confused*
She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.
He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.
She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]
He: Oh, just shut up already!
She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.
He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

-overheard on the 60

... and I like to record the insanity of random people on the bus

Two men get on the bus. The first is heavyset and balding, the other is wirey and wears glasses.

All of a sudden, the Glasses Man smacks Baldy on the knee.

Baldy: Do I ... know you?
Glasses: No.
Baldy: Then ... why did you do that?
Glasses: I like to hit random people on the bus.

-overheard on the 47

They are not actually cartoons. We are comparing them to cartoons.

Agnes Skinner walks into a Taco Bell with her son Seymour.

Mother: I would like a menu and a table for two please.

When informed that they didn't have menus, she appears taken aback.

Mother: Do you have taco shells that can be eaten?

The staff inform her that yes, all taco shells (hard or soft) are edible.


-overheard in unicity

-thanks to deb for the contribution

Thou shalt not...

Terry MacLeod: I covet other people's rhubarb.

overheard on information radio this morning

I know what the Joker would say about that:

When life gives you businessmen...

Woman, on her cell: Is he like a businessman, businessman? Or is this like when I used to call sell lemonade and call myself a businessman?

-overheard on the #60

But feel free to do so in the bus shelter.

Woman (stepping on to the bus): SHIT!

Bus Driver: Not on my bus, please.

overheard on the #17

... so I had this guy TOTALLY convinced I was a cop!

I was crossing Portage, when a young man on a bicycle approached me. He was maybe in his early twenties, or younger, with waist-length blond hair and smelled noticeably of beer. In general he looked like he would fit in very well in 1967.

Hippie: Winnipeg Police! Winnipeg Police! Hey.
Me: [slows down, but does not stop]
Hippie: Hey, I'm with the Winnipeg Police, uh, I've got my badge right here [reaches for his back pocket, but doesn't take anything out] Uh, let's cross the street. Yeah, cross the street.
Me: [thinking] Why is he pretending to be the police? Where is he going with this?
Hippie: Where did you get that ... uh ... jacket and book?
Me: [thinking] Is he going to try to mug me for a water-damaged copy of Foucault's Pendulum? I haven't finished it yet!
Hippie: So I'm with the Winnipeg Police...
Me: [keeps walking]
Hippie: So you've been ... uh ... you've been seen dealing drugs. You've been dealing drugs, right?
Me: [laughing] No.
Hippie: Hahaha! Just kidding man! F*** those guys! [bikes away]

I heard that's how The Flash got his powers.

Two kids are outside an elementary school, one is trying to climb the guidewire attached to a telephone pole.

Girl: You shouldn't climb that! You could get electrocuted.
Boy: I KNOW! That's the whole POINT!

-overheard in wolseley

Not even if I really REALLY want to?

Driver Dan: We have a strict policy here at Winnipeg Transit—no tipping the driver, please. No tipping the driver.

-overheard on the 60

Winnipeg Love & Hate

Winnipeg: Love & Hate is a photography blog that showcases the beauty of Winnipeg in surreally intense colour. Updated often, it's absolutely worth checking out, and even staying for a while.

No Such Thing

Here at WoW, we are often riding the bus. It's our unofficial headquarters.
A bus ad has been making us crazy, perhaps you've seen it, it features a leisure suit wearing gentleman advertising Lifestyle Condoms (sorry we've cut him out of the picture). I truly hope that the point of the ad is that men like him should never procreate, but I digress.

The thing that bugs us about this ad is the presence of this button. It looks like a computer keyboard button and it says "undo". The caption being "There is no such thing in life".
I encourage our readers to look down at their own keyboards. How many of them have this button? I'm guessing none. Because not only does it not exist in real life, it does not exist on a keyboard.

We here at WoW encourage clever bus ads, but have yet to see any.

Plus, I've already had my cootie shot, so...

Nor-ender: Man, I'm from the North End, screw the 10 second rule. We had the 8 minute rule. If nobody kicks it, you get to eat it.

-overheard on the bus

But it smells so much like the Ex!

Gansta Kid#1: Dude! We're on the pivot point
Gansta Kid #2: Does it spin? Is it gonna spin all around when we turn?
Gansta Kid #3: This ain't no Gravitron!

-overheard on the #60 "Accordion" bus

That's where we keep the VHS

Repairman: Why is it so hot down here?

Employee: Well, there is that portal to hell...

-overheard at blockbusters on broadway

I call it Confusion Corner.

Dan the Driver: Coming now to Crazy Corner. CRAZY Corner. Also known as Pembina Osborne and Corydon. Crazy Corner. (through the intercom) CRAZY CORNER, in case anyone's sleeping. Crazy driver at Crazy Corner.

-overheard on the #60

The street that's fun to say. Try it yourself.

Dan the Driver: Now approaching Byng Place. BYNG. My favourite street: Byng. BINGGG!

-overheard on the #60

If you drop an anvil on someone in real life it will kill them.

Enthusiastic Teen: [singing] Hello my sweetheart, hello my darling, hello my ragtime gaaal!

...

I used to watch that Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show, and that frog would come on and sing, and I was like, what the hell? That doesn't happen in real life!

-overheard on the #29


PS. Did you enjoy our little April Fool's prank?

Closed

Weirdos of Winnipeg has been shut down by the city. Apparently we are contributing to a negative perception of Winnipeg--we've been contacted by city lawyers and asked to take the site down. Sorry.

Not really.

Only, not actually.

I wasn't worried. NOW I am...

A guy is walking down the street with some helium balloons. Another guy, out for a smoke stands behind him. Then out of nowhere:

Smokey: Don't worry, I'm not going to pop your balloons.
Balloony: ... okay.

-overheard in west broadway

Friday Blog Recommendations

Breakfast Connoisseurs does a weekly breakfast review, and features a top 5 and bottom 5 breakfasts in Winnipeg. Sweet!

If only we could get people to show up for work...

The Bong Factory



-snapped by blaine

Jumping Jacks?

(Cold couple with coats rounds the corner in a darkened alley)

Scary-looking Cold Couple: Hey, let's jump those people and jack their coats!

Cold Couple with Coats: ...

SLCC: Just kidding! Hahahaha!

CCC: forced laugh

SLCC: My coat is nicer anyway.


-overheard in west broadway

All the months? Even Smarch?

Woman puts deskpad calendar on the counter.

Woman: Is this just the one sheet?
Coworker: Uh, no, there are more sheets underneath.
Woman: Well if they're all January, then what good is that?
Coworker: It has all of the months.
Woman: I don't know. How can you tell?
Me: BECAUSE IT'S A CALENDAR.

-overheard at staples

shout out to overheard in winnipeg's livejournal

Look to Your Left

As you may have noticed, we don't always post as regularly as we wish we could.

But we've noticed that many of you keep turning up, even when we haven't posted anything new in awhile. We thank you, and we hope to do better for you in future. To that end, though, we're curious. What do you, our loyal readers, wish we would do?

There's a poll in the sidebar you can contribute to, or you can leave a comment.

We do, of course, retain the right to do whatever we feel like, regardless of your desires, but we are genuinely curious, and we do genuinely want to make you happy, so we promise to take your opinions into consideration. Thanks.

Thanks for making me feel better about ignoring the poor.

Scruffy Panhandler: Hey, spare some change?
Shaggy Non-Panhandler: Sorry, man, I don't have any on me.
Scruffy: (happy, friendly and cheerful) Don't worry about it! I never do.

-overheard in osborne village

Friday Blog Recommendations

It has been a while since The Burgers of Winnipeg has been updated, but it's still a treasure trove of useful Winnipeg-centric info.

Louis?

Volunteer: ...and how can we help liberate the Metis?

6 yr-old revolutionary: Down with the man!!

(door to hut opens)

6 yr-old co-conspirator: Everybody get ready to die!!!

(door closes)

-Overheard in festival "barracks"

... although, maybe I started it. Long story.

Girl looking at celebrity magazines, to friend: Amy Winehouse seriously frightens me. She looks like an angry transvestite who wants to beat me up in a dark alley.

Friday Blog Recommendations: or Frilogendations!

It may have occurred to some of you, oh readers, that here at Weirdos of Winnipeg we sometimes say good things about our city and sometimes say bad things.

We don't want to give the impression that just because Winnipeg is a city in which you are fairly likely to be either murdered or have your car stolen (or bike if you don't have a car), a city in which far too many people die of the heat in the summer and of the cold in the winter, with deadly mosquitoes and equally deadly malathion designed to fight mosquitoes, with a river that overflows and causes floods fairly often, where our biggest celebrity is Burton Cummings and our mayor may be a criminal, we don't want to give the impression that all of this means that we don't like Winnipeg. Part of what we do here is employ a special kind of humour we invented. Actually, we quite like Winnipeg, and there are lots of reasons why you should too.

In the interests of tempering the overall spirit of negativism we would like to point you, oh reader, to some other blogs about Winnipeg. We hate to make promises, because we are very busy here in the Weirdos of Winnipeg offices, but we hope to feature a new Winnipeg blog every Friday. And if some of those we link to want to link back to us... we will allow it.

If you want to suggest a blog or website for us to feature, you can comment here or email us.

Oh yeah, and today's featured blog is Komodo Dragon in the Morning Show, the blog of a radio show on umfm. Check it out!

Last time I waxed them myself I ended up looking surprised for weeks!

A young lady was trying to get her eyebrows waxed at a St.Boniface salon:

Receptionist: Oh, I'm sorry but [the waxer] won't be in until ...(looking in schedule book and mumbling).... 'leven.

Girl: Never?! I can't wait until never!!