Sound sketchy to me

Student: Hey, that's like the sketchiest Subway in the world. If you go in there at 3am you'll find, like the sketchiest people in the world.
Studette: ... why would you want to go to Subway at 3am?

No, not really.

Mr. Thirsty: Hey, do I look short to you?
Guy: Um... you're shorter than me...
Mr. Thirsty: How tall, would you say?
Guy: About... 5'3?
Mr. Thirsty: Really? I feel about three feet tall.
Guy: No, you're a lot taller than that.
Mr. Thirsty: Really? Really?

Can I get you anything else?

Mr. Thirsty: Hey, can you get me a drink?
Young Man: Um... I don't think so
Mr. Thirsty: I mean, not booze or anything, just a drink.
Young Man: Um... okay, sure.

A few minutes later the young man comes back and gives Mr. Thirsty a bottle of water and a bottle of apple juice.

And that ugly guy over there, did his face get stuck like that?

A dwarf gets on the bus.

Tactless Child: How come that lady is just a little lady?
Mother: ...
Tactless Child: Did she not eat her vegetables?

Wee-One Weirdo Weekends

Well, it's the weekend and you know what that means!

Yes. THEY are the weird ones

I walked around the corner and came across a sk8er boi rummaging through a dumpster. He tore open a black garbage bag, pulled out what seemed to be an empty kleenex box. He looked at me and smiled. "People throw out the weirdest things!"

There's only one of me

Druggie: Hey, do you guys like raves? Do you guys wanna score some e?
Solitary Guy: Uh... no thanks.

overheard: on portage

Because not everybody likes Dick.

Co-worker #1: Hey, check out this guy's name: Rich Husband
Co-worker #2: Haha! Why wouldn't he go by Richard?
Co-worker #3: Why wouldn't he go by Dick?

-overheard in a downtown office

You forgot the "nice shoes" part

Cougar: Hi
Twentysomething Guy: Hi
Cougar: Wanna f***?
Twentysomething Guy: (pretends not to hear)
Cougar: ...just kidding.

overheard: in an alley near broadway

Hiccoughs, tourette's or an escaping demon?

I was reading a book riding the bus, sitting near the back. Behind me was a normal looking woman of about 40, and a normal looking young woman of about 19. A normal looking man of about 30 was sitting to my right and there were various other people scattered throughout the bus.

Suddenly, from behind me I heard a noise.

It sounded like someone with reverse hiccoughs yelling "BHEP!" while gasping. I turned around and the 40s woman was smiling. The young woman looked a little weirded out.

"BHEP!!!" yelled the 40s woman.

I turned back to my book.

overheard: on the #29

Now repeat this experiment with a glowing element on your stove

Man: (looking at the freshly tarred road) Hey, look the road's steaming.
(leans down and holds his hand over the road) And it feels warm!
(touches the road) OW! IT'S HOT!

witnessed: on broadway

Weekend Wee-One Weirdos

Well it's the weekend, and you know what that means!

It's a lot whiter than the brown one

Little Boy: (upon seeing the white buffalo at the zoo) It's not THAT white.

overheard: at the assiniboine park zoo

Sorry, sorry

Sometimes, we lag. Sometimes, we experience a lull. We apologize to our loyal readers when this happens. We really have no excuse.

However.

If you want to see more updates, more quotes and more stories, if you want commentaries upon weirdos from throughout the city instead of only Osborne and West Broadway, if you want to feel the thrills that come with publication, then submit your own stories, quotes and description of weirdos in your neighborhood.

Please tell us approxomately where in the city this weirdo is from, and let us know if you want to be credited, and if so, by what name. We won't necessarily publish everything, but we will publish most things, although we reserve the right to edit your submissions for content and style.

Do it for yourself. Do it for the children. Do it so we never have to suffer the heartbreak of a lull again.

weirdosofwinnipeg@gmail.com (or just comment somewhere, and mention that it's intended as a submission rather than a comment)

Wait... where is it going?

A man and a woman are walking down the street and they see a hobo.

Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: ... what?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: What?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: WHAT?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: WHAT?
Man: This neighborhood is going to the dogs.
Woman: Oh... yeah, it is.
Man: That's an old expression. You know... "This neighborhood is going to the dogs."
Woman: Oh yeah.

overhead: in west broadway